When your authentic self doesn’t jive in corporate America after 30 years of work
Recently, I chatted with a highly successful friend who has had a glowing multi-continent big-deal career. She had recently cut the cord with corporate America because, in her words, “I just don’t fit in the box anymore.” Her answer: a well-deserved gap year.
To break down her decision, from leaving her job to having a gap year, she had several “I woke up and realized’ moments that I thought worth sharing:
#1: I woke up and realized that I can no longer BS
In summary, my friend’s ‘authentic self’ wasn’t jiving with corporate speak, which was a first push toward divorce.
Part of corporate America is just playing the game: 1. Being that team player and sucking it up in the name of collaboration. 2. Providing constructive criticism while not ruffling feathers, and 3. Striking the balance between being assertive (but not aggressive if you are a woman) and accepting. It’s a lot to juggle, and it’s EXHAUSTING.
Eventually, many of us who’ve been around the block say ENOUGH! We will talk straight and be a voice of honesty and reason, but we will no longer sugarcoat. We are too wise and experienced to go in circles rather than to tell it like it is. Isn’t it all about bringing our authentic selves to work? The thing is, my authentic self may not be your cup of tea. Not all corporate cultures can handle the straight, unfiltered truth that wisdom brings.
#2: I woke up and realized I couldn’t put my heart into it … again.
Eventually, my friend wanted ‘more’ — which sealed the work separation. Though she loves business, her urge for something meaningful crept in slowly. She wasn’t unhappy; she no longer had the hunger that drove her in the past. She hit that stage (to paraphrase Chip Conloy) where the accumulation phase shifts to the purpose phase of life.
One must be superhuman or work in some noble profession solving all of the world’s problems to stay engaged in a career that may now span 40+ years (thanks to longevity). For the rest of us, we may start wanting more, or we may no longer have our heart into work, and then it will be too hard to stay. No one wants to be in a loveless marriage.
#3: I woke up and realized that I didn’t know what to do next, except nothing.
My friend knew it was time to go. So many of us KNOW when we’re JUST DONE. But the thought of change stops us in our tracks. Why the inertia?
Let’s be honest. Changing jobs at 50 is a challenge at best (ugh, age bias).
Then, there is the much-touted second act. Society promises us that this will be the best phase of our lives. But we don’t have a roadmap or a how-to guide to take this next step. Many of us don’t even know what we want our second act to look like. Is this really achievable?
The Upshot
So what did my sage friend do? She took a step back and did nothing. Literally, a gap year. Now, this is not a financially wise idea for most of us. But there’s an underlying point that we must accept.
We can’t rush into a second act or a new job without thinking deeply about what we want the next 30 years to look like. We latch key, do it on our own, don’t complain, and get on with it generation has never given ourselves a break. We keep going, caring for kids, helping parents, and bringing as much bacon home as we can. But, despite our lives being longer, time is finite. We must serve and nurture ourselves at some point before it’s too late. So, whatever you need to do, find time to think about what will matter next … and only then go for it.